never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
