He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
