idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
