Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
