Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
