you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
