Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
