We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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