Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
