4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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