I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
