My room smells like vodka and shame
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
