why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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