Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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