Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize