Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
