I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
