bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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