You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize