and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
