i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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