My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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