I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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