This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
My Sexting was not on an AP level
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
