I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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