how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think my vagina is haunted
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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