I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
