when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
