he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
