I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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