Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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