you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
