At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
