There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
