I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
When did we convert life to cartoon?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
