So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
