My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
