I should be sponsored by Trojan
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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