i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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