You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
