Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
