i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Enjoy the penises
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize