Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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