Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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