i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
