i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize