Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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