we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
