dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We're too hungover to prance.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize