If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
