cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
