Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
