I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
