We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
