No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
