My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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