if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
