i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
