Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
