Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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