At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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