Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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