you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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