it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
