theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
