the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
