six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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