I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
