I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
