every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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