He asked to "fluff my boner.."
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
ttyl tear gas
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
