If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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