i would punch a child for taco bell
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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