If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
