apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize