you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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