So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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